The Book of Modern Fairies.

Stinky Pants Fairy

Tooth Fairy

Messy Fairy


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Back to “Writing for Other Media”

The Tooth Fairy



Fairy Mary loves her sweets

They’re all she ever really eats

And that’s the reason, as you know,

Her teeth fell out some years ago

So now she slurps when she breathes in

And sometimes dribbles down her chin

But, not content with eating jam,

Our Mary hatched a cunning plan

No longer known as gummy Mary

Our girl became the new tooth fairy


She zooms each night from place to place

And looks beneath each pillowcase

If there’s a tooth she jumps with joy

Cries “Thank-you little girl!” (or boy)

And, leaving money in its place,

She jams the tooth into her face

Pushing hard with both her thumbs

Until she’s lodged it in her gums


Then, when she has a rough new set,

And all the spares that she can get

She waits until the sweet-shop opens

And spends her daily fairy tokens

On Crunchy Chocolate Fizzy Tots

And pretty soon she’s scoffed the lot

And all those teeth she hunted for

Are cracked and rotten on the floor

So then she sleeps ‘till half-past ten

And sets off on her brush again



Here’s why she leaves the cash for you:

Because she hopes that you will do

The same thing she does every day

Until your teeth all rot away

So take good care of what you eat

‘Cause gummy kids can’t chew a sweet

You’re not a fairy – don’t forget

So you can’t buy another set


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